At first, you were really pushing the limit by a year or two. There were legitimate concerns to square away first – finishing graduate school, finding and falling in love with your partner, making sure you were financially stable, developing an autonomous identity through your career or your art or your travels – these things were a necessary precursor before you were finally ready to start trying to start a family.
And then you did try. Like hell. For a year. And a half. Or maybe two. And when it finally became clear that your body was going to need a bit of help, there came a forever string of doctor’s appointments and specialist and thinly veiled I-told-you-so lectures from your mother and tests and exams and 3am internet searches and shots and pills and baby shower invitations and birth announcements that would never stop appearing in the mail.
Sometimes you wake up at night and can’t fall back asleep. You “what if” and “if only” and think about how you could have rearranged thee years just slightly, because now you know that this is the thing you really want and maybe it’s too late. And when the IVF fails too, when the eggs don’t take or when there aren’t even any eggs left in the first place, when finally you can’t take another stomach-twisting trip to the bathroom with that plastic wand thwap thwap thwaping against your palm as you wait for the line on the screen to tell you if, at last, you’ll get to be a mother – this is when you start to think that you’ll do anything, really ANYTHING, to have a baby.
Including paying a women, $35,000 to give you some of her eggs. Or even $50,000. Because, really, when you want a child that desperately, no price seems to high. Who cares if you’re in debt for the rest of your life? How much will you really miss that yearly coastal vacation? Plenty of families take out a second mortgage or choose to share a single car, right?
In the United States, the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recommends that egg donor be compensated no more than $5,000 unless there are special, extenuating, and justifiable circumstances, and that compensation beyond $10,000 is simply inappropriate. Yet roughly more than one quarter of donors request more than this, with the price tag skyrocketing for certain exclusionary traits, such as impressive SAT scores, an ivy-league education, or high-power job.
The ethical dilemmas here are plentiful. It’s abhorrent to suggest that certain genetic composition makes one person (or what has the potential to eventually become a person) more valuable than another. Such exorbitant fees also shift the act of egg donation from one motivated primarily by altruism or a sense of community to one spurred by money, putting economically disadvantaged women in danger of being exploited through this market. It also, heartbreakingly, means that many infertile women, same-sex partners, or single parents with a lower socioeconomic status may find themselves barred from the process due to lack of funds before they’ve even really had a chance to consider all of their options.
Instead of taking advantage of individuals who are aching to have a child, fertility clinics, donors, and intended parents need to work together to find a way to fairly compensate egg donors without bankrupting the next generation a family so desperately wants. Creative Love Egg Donor Agency is cost conscious when intended parents are journeying into an egg donor cycle. We educated our egg donors on the expense that our intended parents face when turning to IVF and egg donation. It’s not at all to make them feel guilty, but to share with them how appreciated they are and very deserving of a fair compensation.
We just want them to be fair in return. When I began my last egg donor cycle my egg donor compensation started off at $8,000.00 within an hour it climbed to $10,000 when the donor was informed from another agency that they could offer her that. I agreed to the $10,000 because I so desperately wanted to move forward in my cycle. After we agreed to the compensation the donor decided she wanted to wait another two months to start the cycle. Heartbroken and desperate I offered her another $2,000.00! Yes, I was at her mercy because I so desperately wanted a baby. Was I responsible in my decision to compensate her $12,000 I think yes and no. In the end I had a successful cycle and never looked back!Return to Blog