One of the most incredible things about current pregnancy and fertility interventions is how new, cutting-edge technology allows more people to become parents than ever before. Creative Love Egg Donor and Surrogate Agency is just that an agency. Even as an agency owner one of my passions and interest is staying on top of all the new and exciting cutting-edge way fertility labs work. And though there’s a whole different blog post to be written about the far-reaching implications of the darker side of these interventions (particularly regarding the ethics of designer babies” or even sex-selective pregnancies) one of the many benefits of these advancements is the way they bestow the gift of parenthood on many deserving men and women outside of the “traditional” family dynamic.
Despite great strides in recent decades toward universal acceptance of the many shapes a family may take on, it’s always surprising to meet someone who is critical of loving, dedicated parents who stray from the nuclear-family ideal of the late 1950’s. Children benefit from as many caring, engaged, positive role models and trusted adults in their lives as they can possibly get. Maybe that comes in the form of two birth parents, but it can also look like many other things – adoptive parents, step-parents, same-sex parents, single-parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, the list goes on and on.
The truth is ,sadly, that bad parents exist everywhere just like good ones. Sometimes a two-parent household includes an adult who abusive, neglectful, busy, disinterested, resentful, or guilty of causing harm in some way. Sometimes a parent dies. Sometimes a parent leaves. Many studies support the idea that children thrive equally as well in a nurturing single-parent or same-sex parent home as they do in a more traditional two-parent, heterosexual household. It’s time to leave the judgement behind – the only qualification for being a good parent should be whether or not someone is going to boundlessly love their kid and do everything in his or her power to provide a safe, stable home for them.
When someone expresses their desire to become a parent, whether it’s your married friends who are still trying to get on less shaky financial footing in today’s wrecked economy or your single girlfriend who’s planning on a baby by sperm, egg, or embryo donation, reserve your criticism. With the exception of the single most wild, impulsive person you know, please give people the benefit of the doubt that they’ve probably spent a significant amount of time thinking about their decisions, weighing their options, and planning for the course of action that best suits their needs. Instead of admonishing a girlfriend for her desire to be a single-mother by choice while also working a full-time job or questioning a single dad who wants to use egg donation and a surrogate to finally become a father, ask how you can help.
Trust that they’ve probably already thought through many of the complications and difficulties and recognize that parenting isn’t easy for anyone, regardless of how “ideal” their situation may seem to you. Instead, pick a night and offer to make dinner or bring take out. Help the, find a playgroup or baby gym. Recommend a stellar nanny. Listen to t heir concerns and help them think critically through their options. Congratulate them.
Our community functions so much better when we work in service of each other and lend our best selves to build a strong, supportive network. That benefits kids – ours and others – more than anything.Return to Blog