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Sharing Your Surrogacy News with Family: Egg Donor Insights

How to Tell Your family You’re a Surrogate

You might have found it challenging to tell your husband that you want to be surrogate.  You might have feared that he would not understand.  It might well be that he didn’t.

Obviously, you were able to convince him, or you would not have become a surrogate. No woman can do this without the active help of her husband. He still might not understand, but he is supportive, which is what counts.

But what about other family members? What about your mother and father? Perhaps they have old-fashioned or restrictive ideals, and surrogacy doesn’t fit into their vision of what they had planned for their offspring?

That can often be a worry.

You should know that many parents are very supportive, especially when they see how much it means to you. After all, there is one thing that every parent wants: what’s best for their children.

It is important to tell them early:

  1. Tell them what you plan to do.
  2. Tell them how important this is to you. Explain why you are doing this. Take the time, before talking to them, to think about why you chose to become a surrogate, so that the right words will flow easily when the time comes to tell them.
  3. Tell them that there is something even more important: their support. Tell them that you will need them to encourage you and pamper you. This proactive approach, asking for what you need, will be much more effective than trying to explain why their objections are not helpful.

Most parents will understand. Some right away, some with a little coaxing. Those that don’t really understand, will be supportive.  After all, this is what their daughter really wants.  Plus it is only temporary and she needs support.

Parents are usually close.

Siblings are often also close. Your brother or sister might also understand. You can use the same approach with them.

More distant family members might be more challenging. Aunts and uncles might not be as close or as understanding. They might not share as much history with you. More importantly, you might not be able to share your deepest feelings with them.

Still, explain as best you can. You don’t need to have their support and help, but if they do support you, that’s a bonus. The ideal reaction would be, “That’s a lovely thing to do.”

If  they seem doubtful, tell them you would appreciate being treated just as if the child would be yours.  You are pregnant, and that is the same regardless of whether the child will be adopted when the time comes. Unless they have a moral issue with adoption, there is no reason for them to give you a hard time.

The truth is that most relatives will either be supportive and congratulate you, or be somewhat neutral and think that you are a bit eccentric. That’s OK, too. Eccentric means that you are your own person, and you are doing something unique to make the world a better place.